Birthday reflections

Reflective Moment

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No. Today’s not my birthday, but an Instagram photo from another blogger, Danimezza, got me thinking.

Along with her photo, she added the caption, “27 feels good”. Automatically, I did the mental maths and noted how many years older I was than her. Did it make me feel really old and wistful for my younger days? Just a tad. Moreso however, it made me wonder whether I really wanted to be 27 again.

My last major “freak-out” birthday was when I turned 25. On reflection, that sounds hilarious, given that I’m now in my 40s!

In many ways, I’ve grown more comfortable in my own skin as I have gotten older. I’m generally okay with my age, although I have to admit I’m getting a little restless about my next milestone birthday. As to the idea of looking my age, I’m not quite so at peace with that. But for now I am happy I can say, “Thank you, genetics! Thank you, hair dye!”

So back to the question; do I want to be 27 again?

The bottom line; I only want to be 27 again for the extra years it might afford me in my life.

Yes, hindsight is 20-20. Yes, I did recently write a post about seizing the day, every day, because we don’t know how many days are gifted to us in life.

But I can’t help feeling a little greedy about “time”, especially now I have two little girls in my life. Because I started my family late, I’ll have less real time with them, and they’ll less with me. On occasions, I feel a little sad about that.

Right now, as I struggle under a persistent haze of tiredness, it’s been hard to consciously make each day count. Sometimes I just think I have to hang in there because my sleep will return as they get a little older. Yet, as a friend reminded me, “Kids grow up in the blink of an eye. I don’t want to blink and miss it.” And if there’s anything that brings “mummy guilt” to the boil for me, it’s feeling I’m missing out on them as they grow and change daily. But for now, I live in that tension for I don’t know how else to function with a mind that is running mostly on auto-pilot.

Maybe, by my next birthday, I will feel more in control of how my days go. And maybe I’ll find a way to juggle these responsibilities of life, parenting and work better. I can only but make it my goal. Giving up is not an option.

How do birthdays affect you? Do you get reflective, wistful, regretful, excited? Or do you forget them, like I almost did mine this year?

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I’m linking with Jess from Diary of a SAHM for IBOT.

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16 thoughts on “Birthday reflections

    • I totally agree with you, Rachel. So much of my thinking and approach to life has changed with age. Sometimes the angst of youth and young adulthood and even the 20s surprises me now. I am very mindful I’ll have those years ahead of me again as my daughters grow up!

  1. I don’t like the idea of bring older, because I worry about what I might not be able to physically do. Plus I’ve always been the youngest, so I guess it’s weird to be thinking of being older, if that makes sense.

    • That’s an interesting perspective, Jess. Being the youngest probably does influence how you feel about aging. Being the oldest, as I am, has influenced me too. I don’t think about the physical aspect too much yet, probably because everything mostly works. 😉 I have fleetingly thought about that though for when I get much older. I guess you can only keep doing what you can to keep fit. Just don’t fall off the step too many times and hurt yourself! 😛

  2. 27 was a very good year, it was the year I got married. That was nearly nearly 9 years ago. The past few years have become such a blur raising our 3 daughters, the years seem to race by faster and faster. Next week I’ll be turning 36. Sometimes I feel (and act) like a silly teenage, other days I feel like a granny. My 20’s were great, but my 30’s are where I’m really in my element. I have never had so much confidence within my self and my body before. I don’t really fret about age or my birthday. I love spoiling people on theirs, though. The greatest birthday gift for me would be a sleep-in and a night off from cooking 😉

    • I totally know what you mean about the blur, Jess. I’m only 3.5 years into this parenting gig and life does feel like a blur, just getting through the basics through the fog of tiredness.

      Happy birthday for next week! If I could rewind any years, I’d probably rewind back into my 30s a bit. I really started growing into my skin during that time. Things that I used to be very self-conscious about seem less important. I’m more ok with being seen like a dork or weirdo than I used to be. That is quite liberating!

      I hope you get that sleep-in and night off cooking. I’l love a few sleep ins and a cleaner right now. Never disliked laundry like I’m starting to! 🙂

  3. I can totally relate to you what you’re saying. I started my family late, too. Everyone does say I’ll have more time to get stuff done when my daughter is older, but I also know that the last couple of years have seemed to have flown by. I have mama guilt, too, for not interacting with her enough because I’m working. I wouldn’t want to be 27 again in terms of that life stage (I am more comfortable in my skin now, too), but like you the extra years would be nice!

    • The guilt thing is hard, exacerbated for me knowing that time is passing quickly. But as the quote goes, it’s the life in your years, not the years in your life, or something like that. Still I struggle every so often with a tinge of regret. At least at this age, I can remind myself quickly not to waste more time by looking back regretfully; it just compounds the guilt wasting time regretting about regretting. Life! What can I say!

  4. I love my birthday. It’s a time of reflection for me. I measure my age not by years by by accomplishments. I just turned 35. I am married, raising two little girls, had a successful career, working hard to be a better mom each day. I’ve accomplished all that I wanted and then some in 35 years.

  5. My birthdays used to be about huge parties and lots of fun. The extrovert in me just had to have people around! Last year I spent my milestone birthday very quietly. No friends. No fancy parties. No extrovert behaviour.
    And if there was any year that I was okay with that, it happened to be that year.
    But I totally get what you mean – about wanting to have more time with your children.
    I think though, I get a little more upset for my parents.
    But life is what it is, I guess. And rather spend it being worried or wishing something that isn’t to be…I just (somehow) try to move forward.
    Just like you eloquently said, “Giving up is not an option”

    • Grace, you’re so right about our parents. I feel it’s even harder since I live away from them. I guess you’re the same. But yes, c’est la vie, it is what it is, so move onwards and upwards.

  6. I feel the same, so much more comfortable to be who I am as I grow older. Would I want to be 27 again? If I could take all I know now with me – absolutely! If I have to be the 27yo I was back then – no way!

    • Your comment about taking what you know back with you had me pondering……of course that’s not possible but because I sometimes feel so strongly about what I have learnt in life since then, I feel almost obliged sometimes to share those lessons with those younger so they can have a smoother time of being “27” (or such). I even think about all the lessons I want to teach my girls so they hopefully get ahead faster than I did, bumbling along. But I’ve also learnt that sometimes people just have to make the mistakes themselves and learn the lessons personally before they get it. What we feel is “the wisdom of elders” is sometimes just seen as meddling or condescension. I guess that’s part of the circle of life.

  7. i’m happy at the age I am and always have been. I never really wanted to be younger and never necessarily older either! We are what we are and you know what they say about the alternative to getting older!! x

    • Your approach, opinions, ideas, are always so refreshing, Bron. And, yes, when you put it like that, the alternative to getting older is not a viable alternative for now. We can’t go backwards, but we could go two ways forward so let’s not pine for the past and make the most of the now.

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