Do you ever read your old blog posts and find your old self preaching to your now self?
I find myself in such a strange place with my blog. I’ve been posting less for some time now, yet I’ve 46 neglected drafts in my draft folder. I just re-read my post “I have to write” and realise I’m still stuck there, where I was, in my blogging journey, my life journey, 6 weeks ago.
I don’t like to write endlessly about the same struggles. I hate sounding like a broken record, stuck in any rut, not moving, evolving, growing. So I’ve not written. In fact, I’ve not known what or how to write. Maybe I’m trying too hard. But I’ve missed it.
Despite the exhortations I’ve read to the contrary, I seem to be someone who needs to find my inspiration from without. I feel sheepish admitting this when I have often read quotes about the more-valued way of finding inspiration from within.
Reading the writing of others – be it blogs, books, articles, quotes – challenges and inspires me. Viewing photos and artwork challenges and inspires me. It is in savouring these inputs that I find myself moved to output creatively in words or images. I feel invigorated, alive, when I’m inspired!
However, I’ve not been able to read regularly for a while. For months now, Instagram has been my primary input and outlet, but even that, of late, has been a struggle.
It’s no fun feeling mentally stagnant and emotionally flat. The drudgery of work and its mechanics and iterations, takes a lot from my mind and thought processes. The routine of life does too (boy, have I grown to dislike laundry!). So has the ongoing lack of sleep which has even pushed me to consider weaning my 20 month old who mostly feeds overnight for comfort. Yet it’s hard to be determined now that her burgeoning vocabulary includes, “More milk, more milk, peeeeeeease!”
One positive and well overdue move is the half hour daily walk I do after work. I think another would be to squeeze in a little 15 minute block daily, just a little acorn, and find something positive and uplifting to do with that time. Making a habit of being more mindful about how I start my day would also help, rather than allowing myself to be swamped in the madness of work and the household routine.
Which brings me to the posts I’ve written suggesting I need to do exactly these things. It feels like broken record territory, but flip it on its head and I could say I am grateful for fresh starts. Sometimes the resolve to be positive is easier than at other times but having the chance for a fresh start is definitely better than stagnation!
Linking with With Some Grace for FlogYoBlogFriday (FYBF).