I’ve talked a lot about feeling tired lately. The truth is, I’m tired of talking about feeling tired. I dislike being a broken record with nothing new to say.
This tiredness has put me in survival mode where I react to my impulses often without thinking. Nowhere is it more apparent than in my eating habits.
I know I need to be careful of my weight. I had gestational diabetes with both of my pregnancies. I also have a family history of type 2 diabetes. My ethnicity is a further risk factor. So is my age.
I’m not very overweight but carry most of it around the midriff “danger zone”. And yet, I crave chocolate and desserts. When I’m tired, I lose all resolve to resist the indulging. Once I start, I don’t slowly and consciously savour a small piece. I hastily chomp through an entire bar, then regret it just as quickly. “Next time…”, I sigh to myself, yet I do it all again.
When I can muster some resolve to be mindful in the moment, I can be stronger. I can hop from cause to effect and see the tangible consequences. I can make better decisions. But “mustering” is hard work when I’m tired. The consequences are invisible behind the fog. Immediate satiation of the craving is the utmost goal.
My tiredness is also evident in my scattergun approach to my various responsibilities. I operate in crisis mode, always teetering on the brink. You know those pebbles I talked about recently? Well, I’m still clumsily tripping all over them for the moment, kicking some ahead, others sideways and the remainder behind me as I bumble along.
Tiredness is a physical struggle but I’m learning it’s also a mental battleground where determination and will power too easily give way to the quick outome. Planning and foresight are easy to ignore or forget.
I still believe I will get there…..eventually. I just need to learn to be mindful and exercise my muscle of resolve. I think it’s been hiding somewhere under my chocolate-infused residual baby belly.
How do you maintain your effectiveness and mindfulness when you’re tired?
Linking With Some Grace for FlogYoBlogFriday (FYBF).