Lately I’ve felt so busy and rushed. A lot of it is me getting caught up in the momentum of my own hot air.
All around me is the evidence of things undone, evidence of my incompetence at being organised and keeping on top of my own life, let alone that of my family’s. Oh, the basics, the bare bones, usually get done – cooking, dishes, laundry, grocery shopping – but all the other extra things like Christmas preparation, paperwork such as tax, de-cluttering, recycling, filing, redecorating, are ever before me, taunting me daily.
I sleep late. I am sleep interrupted. I wake tired. Increasingly more and more tired. Rinse and repeat. Daily.
I’m the sort of person who wakes and rushes into the day. I seldom sit to even think what has to be done. I run on autopilot and that would be great if I had a brilliant, efficient down-pat routine, but I don’t.
I get interrupted half way through tasks, on my own volition. Then there are the kiddy interruptions that break my rhythm.
My internal mood temperature starts to climb. I continue rushing about, my breakfast of my favourite home-made yogurt still an intention, the warmed up espresso machine still sitting waiting for its first shot of the morning.
Clutter jars my eyes as I rush about trying to pacify the baby, the toddler and get the Mac-Man his coffee. It breaks my mental rhythm which is sorely tested as my mood temperature hits boiling point.
The internal voice instructs, “I can’t stop.” I need to use each moment to get something done. Rush. Rush. Rush. Hurry. Hurry. Hurry. Soon I’m creating my own whirlwind of nothing.
Then suddenly, as I stand in limbo tossing up whether to keep on rushing about, clearing, de-cluttering, tidying up since there’s never enough time and because I need peace of mind by creating a clean visual palette; OR whether I should steal a chance to get my breakfast……..it dawns on me that I need to stop.
I need to be kind to myself. I need to stop. I need to give myself a small bubble of space to breathe. I need to recharge my physical energy. I need to eat my breakfast.
Extrapolated, I need to stop more. I need to give myself a small bubble of space to breathe at many points throughout each day. I need to count sleep as part of this. I need to make sure I stop amidst the rush to deliberately breathe, a quiet meditation of sorts, to centre myself and my mind – to sit in the eye of my own tornado of ‘shoulds’ and ‘needs’ and ‘have tos’. I need to learn to be kind to myself.
In the moments where I find it too tempting to think and worry about 2012 right now, I have to stop. I have to remind myself that the invisible, maybe perceived, pressure to start from day dot on the right foot is not necessary. I am not going to achieve all my goals in one day. No one does. I give myself permission to wait, to reflect, to re-evaluate, every single day of 2012, if I have to to ensure I get to where I want and need to be. I can make resolutions every day, if necessary.
In the moments where I start running in circles like a dog chasing its tail, going nowhere fast, if at all, I have to stop. I remind myself I have to have a plan. One for each day’s tasks. I have to tell my perfectionist tendencies to “talk to the hand” when I feel the need to edit my lists before I’ve even written it all down, or when I find myself revisiting something (even this post’s edit) over and over and over. I have to set a deadline and give myself permission to let go when I get there; that’s as “perfect” as it will be.
I give myself permission to be kind to myself. And in all the moments where I start feeling the pressure rise and my blood boil, I need to remember the amazing concept of “One Moment Meditation” shared with me by the lovely Kirri White of Happy Mum’s at Home.
I need to learn to be kind to myself.
Are you good at treating yourself kindly? What are your tips for doing so?
I’m linking with Jess from Diary of a SAHM for IBOT.