Things I Know – What’s Around the Bend

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I know I’m tired. I can feel the weariness in the muscles of my body, as I struggle to stop slouching and to stand tall. I can feel it in my eyelids, that more than ever fail to stay open as I feed Lil S, that more than ever flicker towards sleep at odd times during the day, if I give myself the chance to sit still and do nothing.

But I know I force myself to operate like a whirlwind; keep spinning about, doing, doing, doing, just so I don’t stop. I can’t just go to sleep when I want, not when there is a little person who needs my care and attention during her waking hours, hours which seldom correspond to my need for sound sleep and rest.

I know I’m running out of time to wrap up tasks I intended to do by year’s end. Many have been pending for months, maybe since last New Year’s, delayed, procrastinated, ignored. Some need more input before I can call it a wrap but my brain’s often too tired to think coherently for long enough to get them done. Others cry out for a creative solution, something I want to birth, but it always seems just beyond the grasp of my fingers, like a dangling carrot on a stick, always just out of reach.

I know that 2012 is looming large. Christmas busy-ness, with it’s lights, sparkle, glitter, and twinkle is beautifully capturing my attention. But jumping up and down, like a shorter person behind a taller, I can see 2012 and hear it calling out, “I’m coming! Look at me! Look at me! Look at MOY!”.

I know I want to make lots of improvements in 2012. I can feel that desire for renewal and creativity in the fibres of my being. I just don’t know what that exactly means right now. I don’t want to think too much about it and miss the last days before Christmas.

Right now, as Miss T stands looking at me, happily munching on her peanut butter sandwich, I just know I want to embrace being with her and her sister, and try to banish all distracting thoughts of the debris flying about the whirlwind in my mind.

I also know that will be easier said than done.

Have you started thinking about 2012 and all you want to achieve in the new year? Or is Christmas all you’re thinking about for now?

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Linking with Shae of Yay for Home! for Things I Know and Glowless of Where’s My Glow for FlogYoBlogFriday (FYBF).
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33 thoughts on “Things I Know – What’s Around the Bend

    • I really want to do that, Kel, but I suppose it’s never too late to do it even if I don’t put pen to paper until January. I just need to do it when I’m not so tired otherwise the brain doesn’t work all that well. Great to hear you’ve been so organised about it though. Giving me a bit of incentive!

  1. Actually, not really getting much in the hassle and bustle of Christmas at home this year since my grandma passed away. So mum said not to have an overt celebration… Just a simple family gathering and pressies only for the kiddos 🙂 Really nice to just enjoy the simplicity of this time of the year and soak in e atmosphere w/o worrying about decorations, presents, cards etc.

    I do hope you are able to get some rest and enjoy the time leading up to Christmas and the rest of the year too! Big hugs..

    Ai @ Sakura Haruka

    • Sorry to hear about your loss, Ai. A quiet family time makes a lot of sense. My aunt passed away in June so this will be our first Christmas without her too. It will be a little different. We don’t to anything overtly fancy either. It’s mostly a time for the family to gather and the kiddies to catch up. My girls don’t see their relatives often since we live interstate from everyone. I’m actually starting to look forward to the two day road trip.

      I hope to squeeze rest in too. Thanks.

    • Thanks for the wishes, Rhi. I hope you overcome your hesitation to look and find a way to create a path you will be happy with and fulfilled in. I tend to go with the flow a lot, especially with two little ones, but I’d like to be a bit more proactive, if I can. Take care.

  2. I think you may already know my answers to your blog questions….
    I’m wishing that Santa pops some sleeping wishes under your tree this year, that you harness your desires and trust in yourself to keep moving towards your dreams.

    Merry Christmas to you and your family….One of the things I know is that I’m extra grateful to have connected with your blog over the past two months xx

  3. I haven’t let my had go there yet. I’m just trying to get through right now.
    But I’m planning a little blogging break and family time over Christmas, so I hope that will give me time to set some goals and makes some decisions.

    Hope you get a break soon. You sound exhausted. Xxx

    • I kind of want to go ‘there’, Jess, but am trying to enjoy the moments now (amidst my sleep deprived haze). Learning to be a better planner and goal setter is a goal of mine. 😉 Hoping for more rest. There is never enough time in the day. I need to find a way to use it better and replenish my energy more.

  4. I’m trying just to get through things one day at a time at the moment. I think Christmas is getting a little overshadowed by an impending new arrival in our family very soon- but that’s pretty natural I think. You sound very, very tired at the moment lovely- I hope you get some downtime soon…. and remember that most things aren’t that important- get to them when you can, but don’t forget to take care of yourself along the way!

    • That’s right, Robyn, you’ve not only got Christmas and the New Year but baby too! Like you wrote in a recent post about how nice it felt to be wanted, i want to be able to contribute or achieve in ways in addition to being a mother. I guess that’s why I feel an itch to “do” but being tired and meeting the needs of two little ones, hampers that. Maybe I have to accept it’s just hard to do a lot with two little ones but the time will come when I’ll be able to feel I do more than the bare bones in each day.

    • I think it’s partly that time of year, Melissa. I’ve read a lot of posts about weariness. If I had my day off, I’d have to finally treat myself to a spa. I never do anything like that and I think I should. I’d then by some lovely fragrant candles so light at home and play some soothing music as I watch them flicker in the evening. That’d be real nice. I hope you get your day of nothingness soon.

  5. Christmas is not a big thing for me, so I’m looking forward to what 2012 has in store. Lots of projects that I just want to go gung-ho with.
    You’ll get there. Trust me. Sometimes you just have to let the exhaustion override you – surrender yourself to it. Because I think, sometimes the most exhausting part of exhaustion is trying to fight it.
    Does that make sense ?
    That way, you don’t feel so pressured to getting all those tasks done. They will get done, anyway. Just not right here and now. And that’s okay…

    • I think you’ve hit the nail on the head, Grace. The exhaustion has almost pushed me that point of needing to surrender. I’m just sooo stubborn but I’ve been fighting it. It totally makes sense. Some of the tasks probably don’t need doing by year’s end. I just wish I had done them. I should chill out a bit more and let some of them float into 2012 and set a new deadline. I’ve got to improve at goal setting and deadlines. The goal to be a better goal maker. Ha Ha! I hope your 2012 planning and execution goes really smoothly.

      We do a smallish Christmas thing but it is all about getting my family in Melbourne together. That’s the most important thing. I think I’m looking forward to it. Even the drive down will be something different from my usual routine. I just have to make sure not to squeeze too much in. Sometimes full on family things can be exhausting.

      • The goal to be a better goal maker – I love it!!! When you’ve figured it out can you please share your secret with me over a cup of coffee ??? (Decaf, of course !)
        I would fight the exhaustion too. Thinking that I needed to get on top of it. Then I realised that I was just making myself more tired and stressed. Well actually, my husband would be the one to remind me. And I guess I’m here to remind you 🙂
        Have a great time in Melbourne. Like you said, a bit of change to routine is always good 🙂

      • I’ll take you up on that coffee whether I figure it out or not! But hopefully, for both our sakes, I/we do. Hubby’s are great for seeing things we don’t or can’t see at times. Thanks for the reminder. I think the end of year break will be nice too. A break from the rain would help. 🙂

  6. I’m too busy thinking about christmas trip to be bothered about my 2012 plans 😉 Kidding. We already made plans for what we need to do next year. We’re crazy like that.

    • Yes, I recall you have a trip coming up, Kristyn. I hope it goes really well for your family and you enjoy it.

      I’m amazed you’ve got in all planned out already but there’s nothing wrong with that. Maybe I need a personal life planner to get me organised, you know, like wedding planners. Do such people exist? Or at they what we now call “life coaches”? (I wonder if Kirri White is reading this!)

  7. When I saw your instagram today, saw how incredibly exhausted you are with the accumulation of sleeplessness, I just wanted to scoop you up in a big hug.

    Trying to think about and pin down your aspirations and setting those goals is tricky when you all ready feel as though you’re pulled in many different directions. Rather than trying to find a dedicated time to do it, can you jot some ideas down here and there, leave a notebook beside your bed, next to the kettle, places where you often are throughout your day – take the pressure off a little?

    I’m working on goal setting too, next year, mostly for my blog since uni will pretty much take care of itself. And I need to work on time management. I’ll be honest, this is creeping into my thoughts more and more and kind of nudging Christmas out of the way. Oops.

    • Thanks, Jayne, both for the virtual hug and notebook tips. I need to keep everything more simple when I start. Im one of those people who tends to edit as I go rather than brain-dump first. From what I’ve been told about writing and creativity, that’s not the best approach to take.

      I hope you can push the planning aside a little in order to get Christmas done and dusted.

    • It’s so tempting to me to think about 2012, Maria because there’s this invisible, maybe perceived, pressure to start from day dot on the right foot. But that’s a bit silly too. Hope you get all you need and want for Christmas done easily and smoothly.

  8. Tired is the word and ‘renewal’ is also what I’m after. I’m a big believer in the new year turning over new opportunities, too. x

    • Yes, to both words, Bron. I like the word ‘renewal’. In fact, if I say it enough times, slowly and with purpose, it’s quite impacting. Looking forward to a fruitful and fulfilling 2012 too.

  9. I so love Christmas, but I have to say the stress gets so on top of me. Only cause I let it though. I just want everything to be perfect.
    In 2012 I want to focus on being less of a perfectionist and just enjoy being instead.
    I hope you get some rest and that you get to enjoy some relaxing times 🙂 xx

    • Perfectionist tendencies are often more trouble than they are worth, Sonia. I know from experience! I have to learn to do my best with what I have and set deadlines to stop too. Perfectionism keeps going on past reasonable timeframes and that’s where my stress comes from too. I run out of time to do “it” all, whatever “it” really means. I hope you get your wish in 2012!

  10. I’m so tired, too! I hope we both manage to get some rest during the holidays and start the New Year with renewed energy. it’s so much easier to get where you want to go if you have the energy to carry you through…

    • Totally agree, Tat. I sometimes have the will to go, go, go, but when the body is so exhausted it’s can’t take me there. That’s probably when I have to listen to my body and rest. Hard for me to do but i see when I don’y my mind eventually stops being coherent too.

  11. Pingback: Be Kind to Yourself « Mixed Gems

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