It’s been an interesting week for me. Not necessarily interesting in a funny way, or interesting in an enlightening way, though I guess they both apply to a degree. It’s been interesting in an emotionally up-and-down, spin-me-all-around, bit-of-a-surprise, kind of way as I’ve realised a few things about my need, or otherwise, for relationships in my life.
I know there is friendship and companionship to be found in the blogging community. For the very first time, I met two bloggers IRL (in real life) – Tat from Mum In Search and her two gorgeous children and Grace from the Musings of Mama Grace and her twinlets or “twinkets” (as I’ve been known to call them). They are as lovely IRL as they are online. If you’ve never visited their blogs, I encourage you to do so today.
I also realised that if the comments on my recent post, Who’s Your BFF, are a snapshot of bloggers and readers, then we are generally a bit of a lonely lot when it comes to deep friendships in real life. Some of us have BFFs and for some, our partners fill that need. But for many, there was a vein flowing through the comments that we want and need a bit more companionship and friendship than most of us have or are getting. For those of us with a BFF or two, we don’t always get the chance to see them or be with them nearly as much as we’d like.
Maybe it’s because we are all too busy with children. Some of us moved a lot through our lives. Some of our friends moved away. Some of us are shy. Are we a snapshot of bloggers in general? Or are we a snapshot of most mothers? That, I don’t know.
I really like what the lovely blogger Lou Lou, from Here I am LouLou wrote recently about friendships:
“People come into your life for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime.
When you know which one it is for a person – you will know what to do for that person.”
Go read the whole post, I think you might enjoy it.
This week I learnt how much I miss solitude.
I got into our spare car, a little hatchback, so I could move it while hubby parked the family car in it’s place. As I started the engine and backed it out, a sudden feeling of liberation came over me. In that moment, I imagined myself just driving right out of the garage and zooming away, “Thelma and Louise” style.
It’s been a challenging time with Lil S’s separation anxiety reaching fever-pitch. I’ve even entertained the thought of “early” weaning (she’s 9 months in 3 days) just so she doesn’t “need” me as much, though I know I won’t do it.
I feel I am at everyone else’s beck-and-call, held hostage to the routine and requirements of my current lifestyle; a little trapped, I guess.
I know this will pass. I just never imagined I would not want to be needed. The thought of solitude, for a sliver of time, is so inviting, so seductive, so desirable.
As I write this, it’s late (or early if you like). It’s quiet, finally, because Lil S has fallen asleep after waking for the umpteenth time since 10pm. Miss T is also asleep. Hubby is probably asleep as well.
I can hear the hum of traffic in the distance and the call of bats outside. I hear the tapping of keys on my keyboard as I type. No one is calling for my attention. The dinner is cleared. The dishes are done. The toys are mostly packed away.
The balcony door is open and the cool night air is wafting gently around my legs. I stop typing for a moment and shut my eyes.
I breathe, deliberately……….in……….out……….in……….out……….
Here, in this moment, is my tiny sliver of solitude and peace.
What do you know about companionship and solitude? What is your preference or is it seasonal?