I seem to have entered some warp zone. I’m feeling really random. Maybe a little lost even. Drowning? Overwhelmed?
I’m at a loss what to do with blogging. When I started, I had no idea how much time and energy would be required to make inroads into the community of bloggers. I had two main goals when I started. Aside from being a creative outlet, engaging and interacting was the other main reason I took the plunge. But I can’t keep up with blog reading. I can’t always keep up with Facebook or Twitter. In fact, I was feeling very much on the outer this past weekend. It bothered me for the first time.
I don’t quite know what to write about at the moment either. I’ve several partially done posts. What do I want to write? If it’s boring, I’d get no comments, no engagement. That defeats the purpose of my second aforementioned goal for blogging. So what do people like or want to read? But shouldn’t I really write for me? That would achieve my first goal of blogging. Hmmmmm, seems like my two main goals are at loggerheads.
I haven’t had time to read lots of blogs lately. I assume it’s a common blogger’s problem, if some tweets are anything to go by. But when I do read and feel inspired to comment. I put a lot of effort into it. Maybe too much. Hubby has always said I should be more succinct. Long, detailed comments take up a lot of time.
Since blogging, I have felt an increasingly desperate shortage of time. I’ve let things slide. There’s paperwork about my bub I should have finished long ago but haven’t. There are medical receipts since last year I should’ve claimed, but haven’t. I’ve artwork from my toddler coming out of my ears that I need to do something about. I need more systems to keep this home in order; systems that are easy to follow for the other members of the family. But I haven’t found/made the time to establish anything workable.
I get the basics done – dishes, laundry, cooking and occasionally squeeze in an extra eg: baking cookies. I’m a fairly clean person but tidiness is something that I can let slide…….that is until I hit my threshold, then I morph into this crazy, frenzied woman that emits a force field of prickles and can usually not be stopped till the clutter’s gone which, I just realised, is usually when I stop feeling emotionally cluttered. So tonight, instead of getting the little ones to bed, I was still vacuuming at 8pm. I finally felt 7 weeks of dirt underfoot was enough. Boy I wish we had floorboards!
A few random ideas floated into my head this morning about getting some order. They came after a moment of realisation that I need to take control of my time and circumstances, and not let them take control of me. Otherwise I tend to live on a wing and a prayer, being swayed every which way. That sort of emotional living results in lots of chocolate medication which isn’t doing my physique, health or ongoing emotional wellbeing any good.
I need to direct my life according to my priorities and not by an endless to-do list of disparate tasks that I’m drowning under. Hmmmm……..sounds great, but will it work???
Well, at least I have my T2 tea to enjoy whilst I ponder where to next.
Are you in the driver’s seat of your life or are you being taken for a ride?
I’m joining with Jess from Diary of a SAHM for iBOT.