The Privilege of Parenthood

The Silence of Love

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A beautiful friend of mine recently lost her baby at 24 weeks. It’s been a struggle for her to get pregnant and a struggle to stay pregnant. I was heartbroken for her when I heard the news but my sadness is a drop in the ocean compared to her grief.

I look at my babies and remind myself how privileged I am. I know the pain and stress of trying to conceive. We tried for about four years before being blessed with our first daughter two-and-a-half years ago. We recently had a second daughter.

I hug them close and feel so grateful that I never had to answer the heart-wrenching question that lurked in the back of my mind, “What if I never had a child?”; that I have never had to face the unimaginable loss of a baby.

In writing this, I don’t mean to be flippant about the trauma for anyone who has lost a baby or who is trying to conceive and possibly having to face a childless future. I have felt deep sadness and shed quiet tears for these stories of deferred hope and loss, though I can never, and would never, presume to know the true depth of such pain, turmoil and grief.

For me, I need to remember that even though frustrations and sleep-deprivation, come my way, they are mingled with joy, love and happiness. I am immensely privileged to have my beautiful girls, pieces of me and my husband, to touch, love, adore, talk and sing to, cuddle, kiss, parent and cherish.

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I’m joining with Jess from Diary of a SAHM for iBOT.

I Blog on Tuesdays

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36 thoughts on “The Privilege of Parenthood

  1. I had to terminate a pregnancy at 13 weeks and if I didn’t I would have delivered still born at 22 weeks, so glad I knew so early on. The thought of holding a baby like that would be devastating.
    Those of us with our bundles of joy are so very lucky, you are so right.

    • Mandy, I can’t imagine how hard it would have been to terminate but it seems you have made your peace with the situation. I’ve been so fortunate and blessed not to have had to face early/earlier term miscarriage either but I know family and friends who have. It is great to hear you have been able to have other children.

    • Thanks, Deb. It is. On one level, I don’t take my two kiddies totally for granted because I know how close we came to not having them, to not being parents. But on another level, under the pressure of the daily grind, I can forget to be grateful for them and this is something I need to remind myself to do more proactively and often.

  2. This is a beautiful tribute Veronica.

    I can not even imagine the heartbreak that must come from such a tragedy. It would be one of the worst things to endure I think.

    I’m so blessed to have my four, and so thankful too.

    • Thanks, Jess. I’m so far away from this friend who lives overseas so I really can’t do much. But I know she knows I am thinking of her, as are so many other people. That’s all we can do.

  3. At the end of a trying day, it can be difficult to remember what a privilege it is to have children in our lives. The good days are great, and even the worst of days ends with a smile, a cuddle and a spoken I love you. I can’t begin to imagine the pain of living without those things.

    Beautiful post, Veronica. My thoughts are with your friend.

    • I agree, Gemma. Until we start trying to have a family, we don’t realise how difficult it can be, if not for ourselves, then for others. Sadly, learning the “mechanics” at school does not guarantee a baby.

  4. It’s a beautiful post Veronica. My heart goes out to your friend who lost her precious baby . I wish her strength and peace. I know too well how tragic it is to lose a baby when you have infertility in the mix as well..

    • Thanks, Trish. I read Charlotte’s story recently. I can’t imagine what you went through either. It brought me back to another friend who went through similar when I was pregnant with my first child. I am so happy that you now have your two beautiful boys. She has since also had a little boy. I know IVF doesn’t work for everyone, but it has helped some of us realise a family.

  5. Beautifully said! So many deserving and capable people struggle for the opportunity to become parents and far too many never realise their dream. I am thankful everyday for becoming a mother and even on the days when she makes me want to tear my hair out, I couldn’t imagine my life without her now.

    • Thanks, Erin. I never realised how hard it could be to become parents until we tried. Mine can be frustrating too but then they burst into smile or kisses or giggles and it’s hard to stay in a negative place for long. It’s a package of mixed experiences every day.

  6. It is heartwrenching every time I hear about another baby dying :(. I lost my first two babies, the first at 18 weeks and the second at 7 weeks. This left me wondering if I would ever have any children. i didn’t try for many years, but when I was finally ready I fell pregnant the first month of trying and now that baby is 12. I had three more children, and even though I never experienced infertility, I still marvel at being lucky enough to have had all these kids. Each one is a miracle!

    • I’m sorry for your losses, Sif. It must have been really hard. Even though you have four lovely boys now, that can’t erase the first two who were not meant for this earth. I know there is a science behind it all but considering the various factors and challenges, I consider see them all as miracles too. Thanks for sharing.

  7. I’m so sad for your friend 😦 I can;t even imagine the grief or pain of such a loss 😦

    Will hold my children even tighter tonight. They are truly the greatest gift of my life and I am so grateful for them.

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  9. It’s such a sharp shock when this sort of thing happens, and in these circumstances I have always counted my blessings, and felt a sense of shame at times for the whinging I’ve done.

    Hope that your friends find that time passing is reducing the pain for them, and that they are encircles by love through the worst of it.

    • Thanks, Seana. I have been in contact with her on and off via email since she’s so far away and each message she speaks of her grief. That’s totally understandable. I can’t even being to imagine what she has had to face. It does remind me to count my blessings, especially since we came close to being childless too.

  10. Such a tragedy. Your heart really breaks for people dealing with such terrible things. Like you, I have not had first hand experience and am so very grateful. Kids are bloody hard work but they bring such joy (something I think you feel only in childhood and when brought on by children). Thanks for Rewinding this post x

    • Tragedy, indeed. My heart does break to hear these stories but it is something else when it is someone close to you, or god forbid, yourself. Reminders to cherish what we have never go astray. Thanks for visiting.

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