Chaos

When I’m sick, I tend to keep pushing on. My head tells me this is counterproductive but this other unreasonable and stubborn part of me only hears, “LA-LA-LA-LA”.

I was forced to see the doctor yesterday, not because my head finally won that battle, but due to a work situation. He listened as I described my body aching, sleepiness and ticklish throat. As soon as he said I had a low grade fever, that unreasonable part of me let go. Suddenly, I was “allowed” to be sick. In fact, he “ordered” me to be sick, to rest, to stay in bed.

It’s a funny thing being given permission to be sick. It’s also still a battle. Sleep beckons. Sleep is a necessity. However, the mountain at work and plans for this weekend’s birthday party are banging loudly on the door of reason.

I wonder if noise cancelling headphones might drown out the din?

Do you need permission to be sick?

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Linking with Grace at With Some Grace for FlogYoBlogFriday (FYBF).

Do you ever march straight out the front door,

Without an inkling or idea of what is in store?

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When you hit that point where you’ve just had enough

Do you just let things go, and stop being tough?

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Should you go right? Should you go left?

Should you set out and just hope for the best?

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Without an end goal foremost in your mind,

Do you wonder, perhaps, what surprises you’d find?

What astonishing things that you might just see,

Because you let go and chose to just be?

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Be in the moment, be quiet, be still,

Be open hearted, be free of judgement and will.

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Let the marvels of the world in your heart abide,

Push away all the dramas bobbing close outside.

Flee away from the chaos, the noise and the stress,

Resist their attempts to steal your inner peace.

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Bottle up this very moment, this firm memory,

And remember the power of choosing to just be.

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Of taking a break, and choosing time out,

Even giving yourself the permission to shout!

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Till you banish the mayhem, shut out the disaster,

And choose the antithesis, why not? Laughter.

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Nothing need be as bad as it seems.

Perhaps you’ll wake up. Pinch yourself, t’was a dream.

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Linking with Grace at With Some Grace for FlogYoBlogFriday (FYBF).

Instead of taking a deep breath and salvaging what I could from the mess, I longed to escape. So I popped my “take-me-away” music on high rotation whilst I dreamt of the real thing.

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How about Hawaii, where I once had an unexpected foot massage from tiny fish nibbling bread from my toes whilst I sat in the shallows of Waikiki beach? Or maybe Holland Park in London, where I almost got lost in rambling woodlands till I emerged in a clearing, faced with a visual explosion of hundreds of roses in bloom? Or possibly return to the cool, crisp waters in Yosemite National Park, where I playfully dipped my fingers, whilst absorbing the soft sounds of nature all around? Or what about revisiting the enchanting town of Tromso in Norway, where I was privileged to witness a brief, unseasonal display of the breathtaking northern lights? Or how could I forget, standing in an open clearing on the grounds of Robert Redford’s Sundance Mountain Resort in Salt Lake City, Utah, taking in the stunning view of snow capped mountains as summer waterfalls cascaded downwards to the streams below? Or maybe return to the sand and cycleways of Santa Monica and Venice Beach where I rediscovered the childhood joys of kite flying and cycling, wind in my hair, sun warm on my skin?

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Images my own excepting Roses in Holland Park and Tromso Northern Lights.
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A lunch break was too short to indulge in actual travel but a mini-escape to the park did not go astray. Who would’ve thought laying on the grass, bugs crawling up your legs, with the hum of city traffic in the background, could be all that refreshing? Or maybe I was reinvigorated by the aroma of roasting coffee wafting in on the breeze from the nearby coffee house. Whatever it was, I returned to work just a teensy bit more ready to face the afternoon. A little help from the motivating beat of one of my favourite work anthem’s did not go astray either!

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What do you do when you need a breather or literal escape? Do you revisit favourite past memories? Lose yourself in music? Switch off with sleep? Do tell!

P.S.: In hindsight, I think this post is rather amusing, following on from my last one. I could do with a chuckle or 10!

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Linking with Jess from Essentially Jess for IBOT.

“There are few things more pleasing than the contemplation of order and useful arrangement.” – Arthur Phillip

I used to live under the misguided impression I was organised. One day, I woke up and asked myself, if I was so organised, why am I so far behind on almost everything?

Then I had an epiphany. My behaviour and tendencies were not so much about being organised but about being orderly. What is the difference?

orderly[ˈɔːdəlɪ] adj

1. in order, properly arranged, or tidy

2. obeying or appreciating method, system, and arrangement

3. harmonious or peaceful

Source: Collins English Dictionary via The Free Dictionary

Yes, this sounds like me, on so many levels.

organized, organised [ˈɔːgəˌnaɪzd] adj

1. planned and controlled on a large scale and involving many people

2. orderly and efficient a highly organized campaign

Source: Collins English Dictionary via The Free Dictionary

My life would bear witness that the second definition does not reflect how I live at the moment. Both concepts seem similar, and they are related, but they are not the same thing. To me, being orderly is about:

- Making the bed first thing in the morning;

- Stacking the dry dishes away;

- Collecting the mail and recycling the junk immediately;

- Separating the whites from the colours;

- Putting the kid’s toys away, blocks with blocks, play food with play food, pencils with pencils, etc.

I can do all those things. But I tend to do them in a random, haphazard order, each thing being done systematically within itself, but in isolation from the other. Being disorderly and disorganised produces a sense of clutter and that results in tension and angst.

If I ran a tight ship, I’d pull the discrete tasks into a coordinated system that “overall” runs smoothly and efficiently ie: I’d be organised. I would save time, as a result, and probably be a little calmer and in the “flow”.

Some ideas I’ve thought of include:

- De-cluttering to start with;

- Meal planning for the week;

- Having set days for certain tasks e.g. laundry on alternate days.

I realise different things work for different people but I’d love to know, what is your best tip at staying organised?

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Linking with Grace at With Some Grace for FlogYoBlogFriday (FYBF).

I wrote recently about needing some breathing space, from many things, from my family, my children even. I enjoy the moments where I don’t feel responsible for anyone but myself…..like when they’re asleep.

Adjusting to the responsibility of caring for little ones 24/7 was a challenge when I first became a mother. One day I was an individual, primarily responsible for myself, then suddenly, I was a mother, responsible for a baby who was totally and permanently dependent on me. It was like a switch was turned on the day my first child was born. But it took me several more months to understand what I was exactly feeling.

Almost four years on, and truth be told, my children are so intricately knit into my heart that I always feel a piece of me is missing when we are not together. I am a mother to the core of my being. When I’m shopping, looking like a lady of leisure (well, I’m not sure grocery shopping is all that leisurely!), and I see mothers with children, I feel like I need to announce, “I am a mother too. I’m in the club.” Maybe that sounds strange but it’s how I feel. Motherhood has become a huge part of my identity.

We tried for a long time to have children. In those days of longing, I wondered, hoped, imagined, even after each initial disappointment, that I would become a parent. I used to see in my mind a little child, holding onto my hand as we walked side-by-side, saying, “Mummy. Mummy.” Now it’s reality.

I suppose it’s best summed up in this beautiful quote:

“Making the decision to have a child – it is momentous.
It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
- Elizabeth Stone

Yes, she is her own little person, but it is still my heart out there.

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Linking with Jess from Essentially Jess for IBOT.

This year, I felt the need to take a fresh approach. I didn’t just want to merely snap an image along a theme. I wanted to mull over the theme and make it a form of meditation, marrying my image with quotes and reflections of my own. After a recommendation from Rachel Devine of Sesame Ellis, it seemed that Project Life 365 was my answer.

I had intended to share my images more regularly but January has whizzed by almost as fast as a single blink of the eyes. So instead, I’d like to share just a little slice of my January. I hope you enjoy the images, quotes and musings, and please let me know if any of this inspires you. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

January 1st – Resolution

“We must stop wishing and simply start building the life we want.” – Tyler Knott Gregson

January 3rd – Optimistic

I choose to live in hope. “I have always believed that hope is that stubborn thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us so long as we have the courage to keep reaching, to keep working, to keep fighting.” – Barack Obama

January 4th – Grace

“Gracefulness has been defined to be the outward expression of the inward harmony of the soul” ~ William Hazlitt

January 5th – View

“The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” – Muhammed Ali. I have learnt it is never too late to change. If we “fail”, we push away the doubts, get up and try again

January 7th – Simplicity

“Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that’s creativity” – Charles Mingus This fact this photo is late shows how I struggle with simplicity, yet how much I need it. Making things too complicated equates to much wasted time and wasted time is life frittered away.

January 8th – Front Door

“When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell

January 15th – Confusing

“One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. ‘Which road do I take?’ she asked. ‘Where do you want to go?’ was his response. ‘I don’t know,’ Alice answered. ‘Then,’ said the cat, ‘it doesn’t matter.” – Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland Choice is meant to be liberating. Yet too much choice can just be paralysingly. Maybe the key is to take it step-by-step….as with everything.

January 19th – Style

“Fashion fades; only style remains the same.” – Coco Chanel I’ve often struggled to define my style in fashion, home interiors, photography, etc. After struggling yet again with this prompt for over a day, I think my answer is that my style is whatever comes from my heart, from the essence of who I am. It’s as simple as that. When I try to box it in with a tight definition, I falter, because there isn’t one answer. I’m an eclectic mixture, and the sum of all those parts. That’s my #style.

January 22nd – Makes me smile

Tonight Littler Miss put on her pink gumboots then proceeded to “help” her big sis by hand-delivering Miss T’s blue gumboots. Miss T took them with thanks only to pop them back on the floor saying, “I love you, sis, but I don’t want to wear my boots right now.” How can I not smile when I witness the love and tenderness between my little girls

January 23rd – Transparent

“Eyes so transparent that through them the soul is seen.” – Theophile Gautier We may all enter the world with honesty and an open heart but it only takes a short step into childhood for the filter to become foggy. Few adults are willing, able and courageous enough to stay transparent save but to a sacred few. Sad? Or is this just life?

January 26th – Guest

“There are no foreign lands. It is the traveler only who is foreign.” – Robert Louis Stevenson I arrived here years ago but still don’t always feel at home. Is home a place or a state of mind? My husband says, “Home is where I am.” Others say, “Home is where the heart is.” What say you?

January 28th – Inside

“Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.” – Oscar Wilde

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Linking with Grace at With Some Grace for FlogYoBlogFriday (FYBF).

Hello dear readers. It’s been a while. I almost can’t believe it’s close to a month since my last post. It’s February already!

After writing about my new blogging direction, inspiration and personal productivity seem to have slowed right up, photography included. Maybe it was “The Jinx”.

I never believed in “The Jinx” until I had babies. Then I was christened with the variant called “The Baby Jinx”. If you’re a parent, you probably know what I’m talking about. It’s that moment you announce how well they’re finally sleeping only to have them wake 5 times that night.

Anyhow, I’ve been wondering how my 2013 has gotten off track so quickly. It’s partly because I haven’t been able to cobble together enough personal time to reflect, contemplate, plan, resolve. If I’m at work, my brain is 100 percent at work. I can scarcely think of anything else. (Cramming a five day job into a four day week does that to a person.) Once work is done, I rush home to trod the usual evening routine again, and again, and again.

When I’m at home, I’m 100 percent with family and home duties on evenings, holidays and weekends. It’s the four of us, together, almost always. I must admit that this arrangement is partly due to my own variant of guilt that I feel at the thought of running off to “do my own thing”, when we could otherwise have family time. I suppose that line of thinking is not entirely healthy? (Head, convince the heart.)

My personal time is when the girls are asleep and that’s usually the dregs of the day after 10pm, the scraps of time, the leftovers. By that time of the day, I’m zombified and normal, productive thinking has fled for the night. Yet I often attempt to push on, extra slowly and often unproductively, when I instead should be in bed.

I also thwart myself, being mostly an “all-or-nothing” person. It means I’m not very adept at being productive with snippets of time. I feel I need solid chunks of hours to get things done, yet snippets is my reality. So the little things get backed-up, procrastination takes over, mole hills start seeming like mountains and I’m stuck in a state of mental and emotional constipation.

I’d really like to be able to break the cycle somehow and find some breathing space, some refreshment, more inspiration.

How do you find, or maybe make, personal time? Do you schedule it? What do you do with that precious time?

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P.S: The photo above is part of my contribution to Project Life 365.The original image can be found on my Instagram account.

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Linking with Jess from Essentially Jess for IBOT.

If you’ve followed blogs for a while, you will inevitably notice that bloggers tend to have epiphanies somewhere along their journey about their purpose for blogging, the direction of their blog, their branding.

I started this blog to create and connect mostly through my writing. I grew up with the thought of possibly being a writer one day, yet I’ve never seen myself as a brilliant writer.

Over time, as I was urged towards a different academic direction (one I never felt much passion for), I dismissed the idea of a career in writing. In any case, I have often felt my writing style tends to the verbose. I get too detailed, throwing in superfluous words, maybe even waffling at times. In stark contrast, the writing I find myself drawn to is clear and succinct, where each word is measured and purposeful, yet powerfully expressive. Maybe being a writer was just a child’s dream.

It’s been 18 months since I started this blog. The first six months were full-on, full-time, unpaid social media engagement as I worked hard to establish myself, as bloggers usually do. My devoted followers grew, however, the numbers are still small. Honestly, though, that’s okay for me. The responsibility of maintaining a large community was too daunting a thought and I didn’t want to feel I was letting anyone down.

After realising I could not sustain the time I had been investing in social media, my blogging journey changed in 2012, mostly due to a shift in priorities, a theme threaded through many of my posts last year. Family and home had to come first. Yet whilst “full-time” blogging, tweeting, “facebooking”, blog reading and commenting took a back seat, my use of Instagram continued, as my passion for mobile photography grew.

It was quite a surprise to realise I was such a visual person. I had no idea! Despite this, for some unclear reason, I’ve always felt the need to keep the writing (blogging) and photography (instagram) separate.

In 2013, I think it’s time to remove the invisible distinction between both. Maybe my other childish, childhood fantasy of being a documentary filmmaker and photographer in the savannah’s of Africa might come true one day after all!

Has the new year brought new directions in your blogging, or life?

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Linking with Jess from Essentially Jess for IBOT.

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Joining in a mostly “Wordless Wednesday” with My Little Drummer Boys.

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You can follow me on Instagram to see more of my photos. Enjoy!

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Joining in a mostly “Wordless Wednesday” with My Little Drummer Boys.