I was a workaholic for many years. I wasn’t an ambitious, climb-the-corporate-ladder type. I was just an extremely loyal worker bee slaving my butt off to do the most perfect job I possibly could.
Unpaid overtime was the norm, as was working late at night and on weekends. My days flew by in a haze as I worked harder and for longer. Before I knew it, it was years later. I was older, still unmarried and childless.
Then, one day I had an epiphany. Actually it was more like very rude awakening that shook me to the core and broke my heart.
It took a mere three minutes to make all those years feel pointless, all those minutes of my life wasted, important childbearing years lost.
But I learnt three big lessons in the ensuing days and months of healing. Firstly, I had to learn to start looking after myself. If I didn’t make myself a priority, no one else would.
Secondly, I had to take responsibility for my decisions. This included the eye-opening realisation that I was also responsible for those decisions I didn’t make; the ones where I allowed circumstances to dictate my fate, the ones which relegated me to the status of “passenger” with someone else as captain of my ship.
And thirdly, I had to learn to let go, to give up what felt like “my baby”. I had adopted it when no one else cared. I had pored myself into nurturing it. Now I had to mourn its loss, and mourn I did.
Almost six years have passed and my life has changed dramatically. I’ve learnt about perspective. I’ve learnt about priorities. I got married and just scraped in at the end of those child bearing years to have my beautiful miracle babies.
But I’m still a loyal worker bee at heart and I find myself daily having to learn to let go; to let go of something that was never really “my baby” to start with. Even though it pricks my heart, I can now see that it’s for the best. I can now see the positives. I can now make it work for me. I have a new perspective. I have higher priorities. I am a reforming workaholic.
Has a life defining event has moulded your life in an unexpected way?
Linking with Jess from Diary of a SAHM for IBOT.
Linking with With Some Grace for FlogYoBlogFriday (FYBF).